Saying Thirteen

Proverbs 23:13-14

Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger when it comes from a father.

The Bible is full of opinions that jar with modern sensibilities: women must not teach in the church; homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom; men should have mastery of their emotions.

Saying Thirteen adds another to the list: “You shall beat him with the rod.” What is all the more jarring is the fact that Solomon meant it. He was not, as the postmodern wokesters like to claim, ‘captured by his cultural context’. In fact, a modern-day rehash of Proverbs 23:14 would simply read: “You shall beat him with a wooden spoon, and deliver his soul from hell.”

A broom handle might also work — unless disciplining for witchcraft.

It is truly impossible to respect the book of Proverbs without acknowledging that corporal punishment is a biblical necessity:

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24)

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15)

The question is not whether corporal punishment is biblical — of course it is. The real questions are: How often? How hard? And for what?

Thankfully, there is a clear and accessible rationale that can provide any godly parent with the answer to these questions. Remember that God is your Father; and as your Father, He disciplines you:

“For whom the LORD loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.” If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? (Hebrews 12:6-7)

Since you know God is right in how he disciplines you, could you not apply that same standard to your own children?

Ask yourself: How often does God scourge you? How hard are your trials? If you can answer these questions honestly, then you can also answer the questions raised earlier. Learn from the way your Father in heaven treats you, and love your sons and daughters in the same way. Bless them the same way God has blessed you; sacrifice for them the same way God sacrificed for you; teach them the same way God has taught you; and discipline them the same way God has disciplined you.

Consider the following specific applications of God’s disciplinary methods:

1. Discipline is rooted in love, not anger.
   God’s anger is against unbelievers, not believers (Rom 1:18); His wrath against the sins of Christians has been completely satisfied in the propitiatory death of Christ (Rom 3:25). Therefore, when God disciplines Christians, it is never an act of anger, but of love. “For whom the Lord loves He chastens”, says the writer of Hebrews. In applying this principle, parents must realise that it is never okay to “beat with the rod” in a moment of anger or personal frustration; in doing this, they are enacting a lie about the propitiatory gospel of Christ. Scriptural discipline must be derived from a deep, considered desire to lead the child toward a life of godliness. Before disciplining, therefore, a parent should take a moment to compose himself and challenge his own motives. His actions should make it abundantly clear to the child that this painful moment is not a rejection of him, but a way to pull him in even closer.

2. Discipline is meant to correct, not demean.
   When God disciplines his children, He is not seeking to get a bit of His own back. He is not trying to show who’s boss. God is a Father who answers his children “liberally and without reproach” (Jas 1:5). By the same token, a parent’s discipline ought never to belittle or mock the child. Do not slap him across the face. Do not shame her in public. Do not be the cranky soccer mum in Coles who insists loudly that Jimmy “shut the <redacted> up” about the oreos. If Jimmy’s obsession with oreos is worthy of discipline — which, I will admit, is quite possible — then find a quiet, private moment to do it. Perhaps in the car on the way to soccer.

3. Discipline is patient, but consistent.
   We read in the scriptures of an unchanging God (Mal 3:6, Num 23:19), whose methods of judgement are demonstrably fair and consistent (Ezek 18). Paul insists that it is impossible to game the system of God’s justice, “for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal 6:7). Parents ought, therefore, to be absolutely consistent in meting out consequences for the sins of their children. If blatant lying is worthy of discipline, then it must always be disciplined — not just when you feel up to it. Moreover, just as God gave five books full of his law, parents should be clear about their expectations. And before discipline is reached, there must be a pattern of warning and verbal reproof. God patiently warned Israel about the sinful path they were treading (Jer 7:25); in the same way, parents should be consistent in pointing out infractions of household rules, but patient in resorting to discipline. When discipline eventually falls, the pain must match the crime; parents should be able to clearly articulate that “this happened because…” (see 2 Kgs 17:6-23).

4. Discipline is followed by restoration.
   In speaking of the New Covenant established in Christ, God mentions how clearly he hears the repentance of his covenant people — “I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself: ‘You have chastised me, and I was chastised, like an untrained bull; restore me, and I will return, for You are the LORD my God’’’ (Jer 31:18). Repentant believers possess this restoration in Christ, and it is permanent (Rom 8:35-39); we have been born into God’s family, and it is impossible to reverse that, or become ‘un-born’. Even so, this great reconciliation to the Father is supplemented throughout a believer’s life with many less critical cycles of sin, discipline, and return. In the same way, when a father disciplines his son, he is not rejecting his sonship (since that can never change), but supplementing it. The goal is for your son to return to fellowship with a better idea of what living in your family entails. He becomes a better Smith, or Jones, or Hunter.

5. Discipline is painful.
   The writer of Hebrews points out that ‘no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it’ (Heb 12:11). Have you had sleepless nights full of agony? Have you spent months in desperate longing? Have you, as the psalmist so creatively illustrates, made your bed to swim (Psa 6:6)? God did that to you. Can you believe it? How could he be so cruel? And yet, this is the pattern of fatherhood that he has given us, with the expectation that we would imitate it. Discipline for children must be painful — that’s the whole point. The exact type of pain may differ, depending on the situation, or the age and sex of the child; but if he displays no appearance of distress at what you are doing, then it is not biblical discipline.

Now, there are an abundance of parents who may agree with the above prescriptions, and still balk at the idea of striking their child. Why does the Bible require this?

In short, it is because we live in a physical world, and sin has physical consequences:

Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, “You shall not eat of it”: Cursed is the ground for your sake; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for dust you are, and to dust you shall return.” (Genesis 3:17-19)

God didn’t just kill Adam for his sin. He also made his life physically difficult. He had to learn how the real world works, just as young boys do, and God determined that physical pain was the best way to achieve this education. When you spank a child, especially a boy, in a spirit of sober discipline, you are drawing a straight line between sin and physical suffering. For boys, this is a line that must be drawn as soon as possible — preferably in permanent marker.

It is worth noting that Eve’s punishment (Gen 3:16), although involving physical pain, has an emotional underpinning that is not as prominent in Adam’s (Gen 3:17-19). This indicates that whilst corporal discipline is one of the primary tools for training boys, it should be far less prominent in disciplining girls. The feminine psyche responds more effectively to other forms of discipline, such as those derived by timeouts or sharp rebukes.

Finally, it is important to recognise that there is obligation on both sides of the discipline equation. Parents must discipline, and they must do it biblically. On the flip side, children must not “despise the chastening” of their parents (cp Prov 3:11), or refuse to be morally affected by the pain. As God is absolutely sovereign, he has granted creaturely freewill to both parties, and thus the success of discipline depends on both parties — the consistency of the parent and the receptiveness of the child. The upshot is that parents must act biblically, whilst trusting in the promise of God for obedient children — not their good works of parenting.

Scriptures for Comparison

Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 19:18

Proverbs 22:15

Proverbs 29:15

Hebrews 12:6-7

Revelation 3:19

Job 5:17

Deuteronomy 8:5

Romans 6:23

1 Corinthians 11:32

Psalm 94:10