Saying Four

Proverbs 22:26-27

Do not be one of those who shakes hands in a pledge, one of those who is surety for debts; if you have nothing with which to pay, why should he take away your bed from under you?

Grow a backbone; learn to say ‘no’.

You are walking through the shopping centre, minding your business, and probably thinking about how many carrots you need to buy. Suddenly, a man approaches you. He is well-dressed, smiles too much, and seems to be in charge of one of those central booths that plague most malls. From the moment he starts speaking, you both know he’s got you.

“Sir, can you spare some change for my ultra-specific charity aimed at resolving some problem in a far away country that, to be honest, you never even knew existed?”

He rarely uses those exact words, of course, but that’s the gist of it. And in a more lucid moment — had you remembered that you not only tithe for your local church, but also run a youth program for disadvantaged children in your neighbourhood — you might have mustered the willpower to ignore him, raise a hand in polite protest at his advances, or simply put him back in his box with a reciprocal smile.

But at that moment, as I have indicated, you were thinking of carrots. You were off-guard. And this man, knowing the telltale carrot-thinker look from simply weeks of experience on the job, pounced at his opportunity.

Stuttering through a throat that needs clearing, you reply:

“Er… I don’t have any cash, sorry.”

Big mistake.

“Oh, that’s okay.” He says with oily friendliness. “I have a credit card machine. How much were you thinking of giving?”

Feeling guilty for a reason you cannot detect, you say something like “oh, great”, and disgorge at least twenty of the best.

Still feeling guilty, you make your way into Woolworths, and the interaction haunts you at 3 am for the rest of the month.

Don’t be “one of those” people, says the proverb. Don’t be a Bertie Wooster. Learn to say no. Grow a backbone.

The man who cannot say no to Mr Shopping-Centre-Accoster is the sort of man who is drawn into far more dangerous and risky deals under the guise of compassion. In reality, it is not compassion. In fact, it betrays a naive confidence in human nature that a healthy dose of biblical theology would cure.

Now, it is important to clarify that giving money or making deals out of compassion for another is not always wrong. In fact, it is often right to do so, and wrong not to do so. But Saying Four does not prohibit it altogether. Rather, it warns against becoming “one of those” people — the sort of person others routinely take advantage of.

Why is this so important? Because a pattern of foolish compassion will lead to your own downfall. You will find that you are the one in debt. There is a common saying that summarises this concept nicely:

If you owe the bank $1000, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $1 billion, that’s their problem.

When the debt is small enough, the borrower is at the mercy of the lender. But if the debt grows large enough, the lender will take a vested interest in the borrower's success or survival, because his own financial health is so deeply tied to the borrower’s ability to pay.

But the principle may be applied with even less than a billion dollars. Suppose you are deciding whether to lend your car to an acquaintance. You weigh up the pros and cons:

• Cons: Your acquaintance’s driving is like the driving of Jehu, only with a little less control. It’s an expensive car, and if he damages it, he has no money to pay you back. You will have to pay for it with money that you would prefer to spend on things like lunch for your children.

• Pros: Well, it’s ‘compassionate.’

Saying Four will help in your decision-making process, giving you a biblical justification for saying ‘no’ to the request. Remember, if he totals your car, it is you who will be in debt. Even so, this should not be taken as an excuse not to be generous; perhaps you should offer him your time by driving him where he needs to go.

Scriptures for Comparison

Proverbs 6:1-5

Proverbs 11:15

Proverbs 17:18

Proverbs 27:12

Romans 13:8

Luke 6:30-31

2 Corinthians 9:7

1 Timothy 5:8