Saying Nine

Proverbs 23:6-8

Do not eat the bread of a miser, nor desire his delicacies; for as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. The morsel you have eaten, you will vomit up, and waste your pleasant words.

Don’t take gold from a black hand.

Alex is a miser¹. And through a series of unfortunate events, she finds herself — for once — on the giving end of a social dinner. How it happened, she doesn’t quite know. She was talking with some friends one day about how expensive everything has gotten lately, but after the grocery-small-talk had subsided, she realised that somewhere in the conversation, an ‘it's-your-turn-to-host-dinner’ had slipped past her guard. There she stood, feeling rather violated, and bitterly aware of her painful responsibility to be generous.

^{1. If your name is Alex, I don’t mean it personally. Unless you are a miser; then be my guest.}

Thinking back, she now believes it was a deliberate setup by her friends. Why did they choose a conversation about expenses to suggest that she host dinner? It was ridiculous, frankly. In fact, she had a good mind to sabotage the whole thing. Should she? On second thoughts, laxatives would be too obvious, especially if hers was the only family not suffering. Well, whatever she did, she would be sure not to put effort into it. That would only reward her friends for picking on her. It might even suggest forgiveness — and she couldn’t have that.

Amy is one of Alex’s friends. She arrives with her family on the evening of the dinner, laden with chocolate and soft drink. Aware that Alex isn’t the most skilled chef out there, she is prepared to make a point of enjoying herself, no matter how bad it is.

This, as it turns out, becomes rather difficult to do. Over a mouthful of poorly cooked chicken, hard, chunky potatoes, and mushrooms that seem smugly aware of their own putridity, Amy hazards a weak smile and says:

‘Well anyway, thank you for having us.’ Then, feeling that her tone had been a little obvious, adds: ‘Oh, and the stew is… uh… great. Very… full of taste and-ugh…’ (fighting back a gag reflex) ‘...uh …tangy.’

‘Thank you, Amy.’ Alex responds. ‘That means a lot coming from you.’ It isn’t exactly sarcastic, but it isn’t exactly not, either. Having not dealt herself a bowl of — well, could it be called ‘stew’? — on the pretense of intermittent fasting, she nibbles vengefully on her inner lip, enjoying every second. Quite unaware of the proverb we are considering, she adds, heartily: ‘Eat and drink, everyone!’

In the small hours of the next morning, whilst cleaning up the portions of vomit that her second son had not managed to keep inside the toilet bowl, Amy suddenly senses a wave of regret for her sweet words and compliments. She feels as though they cost her a great deal, yet had bought her nothing. On reflection, it had not been kind, or generous, or even empathetic. In fact, it had been a case of sinful flattery at best, and cowardly lying at worst. On top of this, she realises that Alex must know the untruth of her words. Not even she could be unaware of how nauseating that stuff was.

As her third son rushes groggily into the bathroom, a pale green tinge colouring his cheeks, she doesn’t even try to say ‘don’t tread in it, dear.’ He wouldn’t hear her anyway. Instead, she turns to her Father in heaven with a murmured ‘Alright, I’ve learned my lesson.’

Unlike Saying Seven, in which gifts were willingly given with the expectation of obligated reimbursement, Saying Nine involves gifts that are unwillingly given because there is no perceived opportunity for repayment. In neither case is the gift real, for gifts are, by definition, ‘a thing given willingly to someone without payment.’ Saying Seven breaks the ‘without payment’ portion of the definition; and Saying Nine breaks the ‘willingly’ part.

Once again, the proverbs use a meal as a stand-in for gifts in general. It matters not whether the miser offers you a meal, a massage, or simply a ride. If it is presented grudgingly, Saying Nine prohibits you from accepting it, let alone saying ‘pleasant words’ in appreciation of it. If it’s a meal, you’ll probably vomit it up; if it’s a massage, you’ll probably need a wheelchair afterwards; if it’s a ride, you’ll probably hit a truck on the highway.

Well, maybe not. It’s always possible that you may receive good things, given grudgingly. Saying Nine, like so many proverbs, uses hyperbole to make a point.

Now, the phrase ‘as he thinks in his heart, so is he’ is worthy of deeper consideration, for it seems to add more to the saying than is immediately obvious. True, a grudging giver acts and speaks in a way that does not reflect his heartfelt motives; but why does the proverb spend an extra clause (v7a) explaining what is abundantly clear in the example (v7b)? The inspired text does not waste words.

The quoted phrase seems to provide an extra warning against attempts to change a miser’s heart through enforced service. If he does not want to give of his time or resources, there is no point requiring him to do so. It won’t change his heart; it won’t be a real gift; and whoever receives it will wish they hadn’t. In short, ‘as he thinks in his heart, so is he.’ You can’t change him; only God can.

Scriptures for Comparison

Matthew 15:8

1 Samuel 16:7

Proverbs 27:19

Proverbs 26:24-25

Luke 10:5-6

Psalm 141:3-4